How to deal with people you hate or you simply don’t like? A common approach would be to show that hatred, some people would also resort to criticism, but will it actually change how the other person is? When you meet someone new, you will find they have both good qualities and bad ones, including you and me. On one hand, the good qualities may be inspiring , the bad qualities on the other hand would bring out the worst of us. How can we actually tackle with people who are not our favorite?
Focus On Their Positives
One of the best yet unforeseen way is to focus on the good parts in them. When we meet someone for the first time, we often tend to judge him or her by whatever we have heard about them. Instead of being judgmental, can we not get to know them and their positive aspects? Every person has something in them that is going to inspire you but we, focus mainly on the bad stuff and fail to appreciate them.
Life can really be easy if you just admire their good areas and stay away from their bad parts. Talk to them and praise them for any good quality you see in them. It should be genuine though and you will see that person actually taking interest in you. Now, you don’t have to love them but this can help you a long way in dealing with them whom you don’t like in general.
Shun Hatred and treat them good
It is so easy to say, “I don’t like that guy, I wish he change himself”. How about trying to change our perspective first? No matter how bad a person is, it doesn’t justify you treating them bad. Hatred and bad treatment will really make things worse and will only make it difficult to deal with such kind of people. It requires a strong mind to oversee a person’s bad reputation and treat them good.
If they hate you as well, and you treat them good, they still might continue to hate you, depending on how the character of that person is. But, this doesn’t make you weak, in fact, it shows you are not like them, you don’t give out hatred for hatred. It is definitely easier said than done and you might find yourself doubting that how can you treat them good when you know you hate them, but continue to hate and it will only make it tough to have them around you. So, simply don’t reciprocate any hatred or harsh feelings.
Respect No Matter What
Remember, to be able to respect others, one has to have self respect first. Upon facing someone you don’t like, you should tend to act disrespectfully and it might make us feel good “for the moment”. But, what about the long term? You cannot expect that person to respect you either and overall, you will just dip your hands in this dirty mess that doesn’t benefit anyone. So, the smart move is to respect the other person.
Everyone wants to be respected and feel important. By respecting them, you are just showing that you do have self-respect. And, this thing shouldn’t be too tough unless we are talking about a someone with criminal vibes.
When It Finally Comes To Arguments
Arguments, one of the highlights of the engagements between you and the person you hate. It might be your competitor or just a colleague with whom you don’t go so well because they want to put their point of view which you don’t accept and vice versa. How easy it is to make everything bitter by getting into an argument and even if you win it, what do you get? A feeling of satisfaction? With the other person hating you more and looking for the next opportunity to pull you down.
The smartest way here is to listen carefully, don’t just discard the person’s point of view but try to see things from his perspective. After listening, tell them they are right, put a “but” and then explain why you differ in your opinion. Telling them they are wrong will bring chaos whether you want or not so it is better to frame it this way,
“Oh yeah, I agree with your points and it makes sense but talking about this specific situation, I think, this one thing would be a bit different, what do you think? “
“How to Win Friends and Influence People ” by Dale Carnegie has elaborated on this topic in a wonderful way so do have a look if you want.
Pick Up Your Battles selectively
Its again time to use that organ we call brain and be smart. Be aware, with whom you are getting into a battle. You hate someone, its alright, its your personal perspective and choice, but going into an open battle with them can be devastating for you, both in terms of your image and energy.
Remember, when you are picking a battle with someone you are going to stoop to their level. It doesn’t make sense if you have to stoop too low to prove yourself and it doesn’t make sense to fight with someone so greater that you cannot win. The best way is to avoid it but again if it has come to a point where you cannot stay silent then be smart and pick up the battle.
The Communication Problem
Communication might come out as the heavenly blessing to solve your issues with someone that never existed. Communicating with others properly can help you clear things up to a great extent. It might even eradicate the hatred. You get to know about their perspectives and then you see how they differ from yours. You learn to respect their choices and even if you two are some big rivals, you will end up having a gentle relation.
Communication just helps you to realize why other people do what they do, which you might not like. It opens up ways and removes any scope of misunderstanding and ill feeling. Truth is, everything will be depending on the person you are communicating with but when it is about some big stages of life like dealing with a business rival, it is expected that they won’t be some irrational people with no scope of communication.
Don’t Waste Your Energy and Mental Health
Despite all the solutions above, you cannot change a person and you better not try to. You can be respectful, treat them good, appreciate their good parts and communicate deeply. However, you cannot be everyone’s favorite and unfortunately you cannot program their brain to act otherwise. The wisest move here is to save yourself from all the mental exhaustion that you might face in trying to change someone’s perspective.
As long as you are right in your place, no one can blame you. It is okay to not like everyone but by now you know you would not show hatred. So, if things don’t workout well anyway, you can simply not care so much about them. Focus on yourself and all the people that matter to you. Sometimes that is the exact remedy you need, just drive your head away from all the negativity and it will literally lighten you.
Don’t forget that you are a human too, not some saint, you will make mistakes, do stupid stuff, have problems with others and try to fix your mistakes. It is really okay to be that way, your feelings might also not be in your control but the least you can do is to use your intelligence. The above measures might seem to be too much and to be honest if people really did follow them, then there would be no fights, arguments or hatred in the world.
The least you can do is , think logically, about how far can you apply those measures in your real life. How far do you think, it is feasible to try to communicate and settle disputes which might only harm you if not worse. So next time you think about how to deal with people you hate, you got some tools. Being logical sometimes, can alone help you prevent any situation which you might regret in future.